Six years ago I was 20 years old, a young man who somehow managed to get into college. Growing up I was never a good student, I just couldn’t focus. Despite my lack of motivation in school, I was still driven to live a great life.
During this time in my life I wasn’t fully satisfied with how good I was the ladies. I wasn’t weird or nerdy, I just simply thought I could do better. My social skills were okay and I had awesome friends. I was an athlete and had a few other things going for me, but I just wasn’t fully satisfied.
When it came to women and social skills, I was the word that scares me the most: average.
Six years ago was when I picked up a book called The Game. It was recommended to me by this guy I randomly met one day. When it came to social, this guy was silky smooth and extremely charismatic. I admired that part of him so I bought the book.
The book is about a man who developed a community of men who labelled themselves as “Pick-Up Artists.” Basically, these guys developed conversational routines and techniques to go out and attract women.
They went out multiple times per week and cold approached dozens and dozens of women with the goal of attracting them and eventually sleeping with them. As a young man I was very intrigued, so I began going out with the same intentions…for six years.
I know this probably sounds weird but it’s really not if you’re doing it for the right reasons. I never really questioned myself because I knew my intentions were always good. Intent matters.
The word “Pick-Up Artist” is stupid. It is very important that you do not associate with that word. That’s when shit gets weird.
My goal was to understand women and understand people in general. Even at that time I knew understanding women and people would eventually lead to bigger and better things for me in life. I was correct.
Six years later I realized one of my greatest passions in life:
There is nothing else in the entire world that interests me as much as other human beings. I love people and I love the art of communication.
Throughout this journey I quickly found out that in order to be a more attractive person, you have to first become a better person.
This post is about the things I learned from meeting hundreds of women. Although this is from a man’s perspective, it is my understanding that this applies to both men and women.
How To be 10X More Attractive
– Be Positive –
Nothing will pay you bigger rewards than having and maintaining a positive attitude. People will remember you for not how much success you have but how you handled life and how you made others feel.
Here’s some helpful suggestions to become naturally more positive:
- Avoid newspapers, television, and radio. Mainstream media is full gossip and negativity. It will kill you.
- Stay away from “can’t do” people and people who have troubles in life. They will suck the energy right out of you and bring you down to their level.
- Get everyone in your life on the same page with where you’re going and what you’re doing. Everyone needs to be on the same page.
- Put yourself in positive environments.
- Stop complaining.
- Treat negative talk like garbage and throw it away.
The best way to become more positive is to get rid of all negativity. Use the zero tolerance policy.
– Be Authentic –
Authenticity could be one of the most attractive traits someone could have. I believe the best way to describe it is being congruent. Attractive people are congruent with their thoughts, feelings, and actions.
It is one of the reasons people like dogs and young children so much: when they’re happy to see you, you know it’s because they’re actually just really happy to see you.
Being authentic is a lot easier said than done. I believe you can best define it by working on these 3 things:
- Being true to yourself.
- Managing the relationship between what you feel and what you say or do.
- Making value based decisions.
Part of the first step to a more authentic you is realizing and accepting that not everyone is going to like you. This is my favorite quote on authenticity:
Never filter who you are to fit in. You’ll make friends you don’t want and miss out on the people who’d love the real you. – Charlie Houpert
– Give Value –
Your goal with people and becoming more attractive should be to always give value. Value could be a lot of different things and can mean something different to every individual.
There are a ton of different ways to give value to the people in your life but the most common way is by making people feel good when they’re around you. Listen to people and understand them, that is extremely valuable.
Attractive people bring something to the table.
– Body Language –
Attractive people have attractive body language. They stand tall and open. They face people when they’re talking to them and look people in the eyes.
They don’t make nervous, twitchy movements. They move with purpose.
I wrote an entire eBook on body language because it’s helped me so much. You can get my eBook for free by subscribing anywhere on the site.
– Be Vulnerable –
Attractive people know they’re not always tough, cool, and have their shit together. They’re totally fine with letting their guard down and revealing their weaknesses.
They can take a joke, laugh at themselves, and open themselves up for judgement. They know everything will be okay in the end because their self-esteem doesn’t rely on other peoples opinions.
Attractive people put themselves in positions where they might get rejected. Rejection scares them but it doesn’t stop them from taking action.
– Have High Standards –
Set your standards high for what you want out of people and life. You should always expect the best out of people and you should always expect the best out of yourself.
If you don’t tolerate BS from yourself, there is no reason you should tolerate BS from other people. Your high standards will inspire those around you to be their best selves.
Attractive people do not settle. Never settle for anything less than your full potential.
– Be Responsible –
Attractive people take full responsibility for their actions and priorities. In simple terms, they have their shit together.
You have to realize that the long-term quality of your life is in your control. You must take ownership of everything in your world. This includes your health, wealth, relationships, and overall happiness.
If the attractive person isn’t satisfied, they don’t start looking outward for excuses, they look inward for solutions. If you can’t take responsibility for yourself, what are you able to give anyone else?
– Be FUN –
People love to have to fun, they crave it. If you can be the person who brings or adds fun to any situation, you’re going to build a lot of great relationships.
Being fun involves being comfortable, authentic, and positive. When I’m around people, whether I’m going out at night, networking, working, or on a date, creating fun is my #1 goal.
– Self-Assured –
Attractive people do not need to put others down to make them feel good. Their self-assessment does not depend on the thoughts or feelings of others. The confident person feels free to express who they are.
When you accept who you are and appreciate who you can be, your confidence immediately becomes much more genuine. Your insecurities shrink, you create more control, and you experience more of everything.
– A Great Presentation –
Your looks do NOT matter when it comes to attraction. Get that out of your head right now. Your physical looks are not in your control, so stop worrying about them. Do not blame your height, your jawline, or facial structure for anything.
What matters is your presentation. Your presentation IS in your control. Wear clothes that fit your body type, get a cool haircut, shave or keep your beard clean, and don’t smell like shit.
A little bit of vanity is a good thing because it’s really just a manifestation of wanting to take care of yourself. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you exude an energy that improves your world and the world of the people you communicate with.
The ultimate fashion statement is building a strong, healthy body. So boys and girls, lift some weights and sweat a few times per week.
– Have Purpose –
Attractive people have BIG goals and a compelling vision for their future. Their goals drive them and give their life a purpose. I love surrounding myself with people who are on a mission.
These people are often the most interesting and exciting people to be around. They’re always up to something cool and meeting new interesting people. They don’t have time to stress and barely have time to rest because they’re on a mission that fires them up.
Attractive people roll out with a purpose.
The cool thing about becoming a more attractive person is that when you do, you start to meet and attract other attractive people.
When you meet these people, you will naturally get along and form great relationships.
Why do you think this is true?
BECAUSE REAL RECOGNIZE REAL.
It’s time to get real. When you’re attractive things get exciting and interesting. This is when opportunity starts to present itself. All great things are built in teams.
As you work on these things you should realize that you will never master or be perfect at any of the above mentioned. You and I will forever be a work in progress.
Perfection is not the goal, progress is the goal.
- Instagram: @kylenitch
- SnapChat: @Nitch21
PS: For those of you who really want to take things to the next level with your social skills and charisma – check out: Charisma University.
Charisma University is a 6 week step-by-step program designed to give you all the tools you need to take your charisma to the next level.
I’ve personally made this investment in myself and believe in it 100%. Charlie & Ben, the founders of CU are incredible guys! They’re excellent teachers and can breakdown charisma better than anyone I know.
Here are some of the benefits you can expect from becoming more charismatic and enrolling in CU:
- Consistently make better first impressions
- Command attention when walking into a room
- Tell better stories
- Better flowing conversations
- Deeper connections with people
- Connect with older, more successful business mentors
- Feel confident at parties without having to beeline for the bar to suck down alcohol
There is no better investment than investing in yourself. Invest in Charisma University if you want to take it to the next level and become more attractive.